Sometimes as we travel the weary road of life, we stop and wonder what it’s all about. What our purpose is. I’ve done this on many occasions. Too many to remember, not that I can even remember what I did last week anyway! I’ve had a tough old life, most of it my own doing to be honest. Because I’ve made my own choices I try not to reflect too much as it just gets depressing. But yeah, I still stop and wonder what our purpose is every now and then.
I think the closest I’ve ever come was when I was a teenager about 30 years ago and used to sniff a bit of petrol and the odd aerosol can. That all started with TippEx thinners on the school jumper sleeve! I tried poppers once but fuck that, that shit was mental! I remember laying there with a 1 gallon petrol can with about 30 pence worth of petrol in it breathing in the fumes until I thought I was gonna die.
To me and the few that did it, it was the poor man's weed. The kids with a few quid would smoke weed all cozy in their garden shed, but us poor chaps would hunker down in an empty garage we’d broken into and filled with old quilts and blankets and sniff petrol and Right Guard deodorant. I’m pretty sure I was on death's door at this point as everything went super fuzzy. Nowadays we’d say pixelated but pixels weren’t about in 1990. It felt like the world was turning inside out. All the fuzz rushing to a single point in the distant throws of my mind. But with that came clarity. A sense of knowing and of wholeness. I think it was this rush that made inhaling this shit addictive.
Anyways, it was this clarity that gave you a brief glimpse into understanding life. But just a glimpse. A nanosecond of being one with yourself. Then just as you’d get a grasp you’d snap out if it and come slamming back to the real world with a thumping headache and a face full of petrol.
These days my high comes from vanlife. Vanlife makes me feel higher than hippy in a hot air balloon. I’ve still not fully understood life, and I doubt anyone else has either. But vanlife so far has taken me on an unbelievable journey. It’s exciting beyond my wildest dreams! I’ve met some incredible people, one in particular who makes my legs go to jelly and head dizzy.
I’ve seen some incredible sights and spectacular views. I’ve gone to sleep after watching the sun set over the valleys and I’ve woken up to sun rises across the ocean. This is a drug like no other. I’m addicted! It’s my drug of choice, and far more healthier than petrol...
So addictive is this lifestyle that I, as do most other vanlifers, pay it back. We litter pick where we park, we have a tidy up around the area. Sometimes we litter pick before we park because we don’t want to park on top of the rubbish other dickheads have lobbed out their car window. One of the reasons, for me anyway, is because if I left that litter there then drove off in the morning, it would look like I’ve done the littering. Another is the harm that it does to the wildlife. Litter is a potential death sentence to most wildlife. And I can’t have that.
Tonight was no exception. I pulled into an old favourite spot of mine and was greeted by a shitload of Burger King wrappers, bags and spent sauce sachets. I just don’t get it. The nearest Burger King is about 4 miles away. It made it to this spot in someone’s car. Just fucking take it home with you! They obviously came here because it’s pretty and peaceful, so why not leave it like it? The worst thing is, there were tyre prints over it all so someone else had obviously seen it but chose to ignore it, perhaps thinking some other mug will pick it up. Well guess what? That dude in the camper picked it up. That dude that you sat and stared at in disgust with your nose turned up, he picked it up. And he’ll take it away in his home, and find a bin for it himself.
Don’t be a trollop. Take your shit home with you. Or one day I’m gonna follow you home and leave a poo on your doorstep, see how you like it.
Rant over and I’ll just add, I’ve been petrol free since 90’ It was just a short phase, and I think I’ve fully recovered...