Sneezing & Orgasms

Do you ever get the sneezes? I do. Thousands of them for ages. On and on and Ariston they go! One after the other, until snot comes out of my eyeballs and I’m choking on air. I don’t know why I get them, but I do. Not all the the time though, I’m not broken. Just every now and then, like maybe a month will go by and then all of a sudden boom! Like I’ve been snorting mustard powder or summat!

The other day I was chatting with Kerry about sneezes and I said “9 sneezes is equivalent to an orgasm” she of course didn’t believe so I asked Siri who proved me right of course. It’s actually part legend part theory because I’ve never actually creamed myself through sneezing came close I reckon though, a few times But yeah, the science claims that 7-9 sneezes in a row gives the equivalent rush of an orgasm.

Today I was chatting with a guy on messenger about something I was selling. The convo went back fro as it does. For no reason other than just because, I sneezed. Then again. And again. And again. On the eleventh sneeze, with snot everywhere, I decided I’d send Kerry a video of me sneezing, and claiming orgasmic victory, about to be two orgasmic victories! (Good job I’m not trying to sell myself here, eh?). Anyhoo, I hopped on messenger, pressed record whilst I sneezed my way down the road. “You’re gonna be so jel, that’s 14 now. Achooooo! 15...” I even did a little shudder as I passed the equivalent of two orgasms just for effect. I then messaged “16” followed shortly after with “19”.

It was then that I realised I’d sent a snotty video of me creaming myself whilst sneezing all over the phone followed by regular updates... to the guy I was messaging about goods for sale!

That poor chap must have wondered what the hell was going on! No amount of explaining would get me out of that hole so I just said sorry.

Evidence has shown that you're more likely to get a computer virus from visiting religious sites than porn sites. Go figure...

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