Who knew my Friday would be so eventful! I picked my boys up lunchtime and made my way through the pouring rain, concentrating intensely on the road, doing that lean forward and squint technique that appears on your 40th birthday, and tried to block out their constant barrage of waffle and arguments. “BOYS!! If you don’t shut up we’re all going to die and that will be really terrible! I’ve loads of new friends and I haven’t had a chance to piss them off yet. So please. Shut. Up!”
On the journey I was wondering how the hell I was going to keep them both occupied in a gaff with the real estate the size of a pimple on Queen Anne’s arse and in this weather. I needn’t have worried. I pulled up, the rain stopped so I utilised my size 9 (average ) foot and kicked them out with their wellies on. It wasn’t long before I heard “Dad, can we go in that puddle? Is it deep? Will I drown if I do? What will happen if I drown? Wait. Will I die? If an asteroid hits the earth and lands in that puddle will I die faster?”“Go and find out” I muttered. “But I’m not going with you so you’d better have learned to swim properly.” With a half thought they were off and sure enough, they were up to their knees in the puddle. What an awesome sight! Several videos later I was a grinning dad again!
Now I like to think I’m a good dad. But I know I’m short tempered. PTSD will do that to you. But I also know my kids understand. I don’t know how they understand but they do. They still don’t listen though, even when I’m bellowing like king fucking Kong at them to stop putting your finger up your brothers arse! Why are you dry humping your brother, what is wrong with you? Why would you want to sniff his farts? Don’t bite him there! Or anywhere! Sometimes there’s tears because I’ve shouted. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve usually shouted 18 times by this point. “Oh my god will your two bloody listen to me!” But they also make me laugh when I leave them to their WWF match. “Dad how do you get the cover off of your axe?” Me not paying any attention mumbles “push the strap through the buckle and pull it back. Be careful as it’s shaving sharp.” The reply caught my attention “it needs to be sharp so I can chop him in half with one swing!” Oookaaaay time out boys, time the fuck out!
After feeding time and a few more fights, I whacked Spider-Man on the doovada player and they finally settled down enough for me to have an idea. “I’m going to set my own group up for all my loverly people!” Well that went as well Lord Sutch and the Raving Looney Party running for Prime Minister... Still, it got as many laughs too I guess. If you are confused, don’t worry. So am I. Still. So I set the group up from this page. Got a couple of things done then came away to post on the page about the group. When I went back it seems I was locked out. The page was still admin but my personal account wasn’t and there was no way to get in. I’m glad you all had a good laugh about it though some of your comments had me in hysterics I have to admit. So the new group was eventually followed by its new cousin. It’s better anyway If you haven’t joined in yet then click on the groups tab at the top of this page and it’s the bigger one. I know, the other one is still there because I can’t pissing delete it because I’m locked out You’re joining in by the dozens. Wondering what plethora of fun could be had upon opening this Pandora’s box! Well you’re not letting me down so far
The promised snow never came. But judging on the video over on the group, at least one of you lot did! I heard a siren too. Maybe it whistles if you turn the speed up?