Bump In The Night & Mouldy Shopping

Last night was spent at my favourite spot, and was pretty event less, save for a car coming into the carpark and leaving after a precise 34 minutes! Now take off the parking, fumbling and idle chitchat, unzipping and rezipping, I'd hazard a guess at around 21 minutes.

Not a bad effort my man for a car park quickie! Kudos!I'll leave out the bit where I got a teeny bit scared when the car switched its lights off and couldn't be seen, causing me to unsheath my trusty hand forged German axe and send my location via messenger with strict instruction "if my van moves its not me and I'm dead. Send help"Oh. I didn't leave that bit out very well...

The day breaks, the sun pops its nose over the horizon like a pervy neighbour peeking over the fence to spy on the scantily clad sunbathing neighbour. (insert you preferred sexual orientation here).It's glorious! The ice is melting from the trees, pouring downwards like a mini monsoon. I'm in a jolly good mood, after having a most excellent chat over messenger for many hours, restoring my faith in human kind! I even open the back doors (of my humble abode. Get your mind out of the gutter!) to bask in the ice cold sunshine. I'm lying, my heater exhaust was backfiring but it turned out to be shotgun blasts echoing around. "sigh of relief I avoid murdering myself during the morning routine, have a tidy up and saunter off for diesel and food.

I'm in Asda and greedily fill my basket up with steak, chicken, liquid breakfast strawberry flavoured fuel stuff, and a few other bits and bobs. Bag is tied up and dumped in the back. Hmmm what to do now. Aha! I need to lob my bag of rubbish away. Like most, I'm a leave no trace camper so it doesn't take long to fill a sack with a few days of "that's disgusting I'm not eating that" and "bollocks forgot to switch the fridge on again" rubbish.So I depart and go to an empty, shut down, run down pub I know of that the council still empties the bins for. (it's at a crossroads of a popular trail).I sit and people watch for a while, making up Mr bean style voices to go over their own conversation. Try it, it's hilarious!I dump my bulging sack of undesirables in the bin and head back to the previous nights spot. I saw the land owner this morning who gave me permission to stay as long as I want! My usual space is still there too!

A quick catch up on messenger and facevinetube and I suddenly remember to turn the fridge on. Better put the shopping away too!

I untie the bag reach in and pull out a couple of stinky sausages. "what in the name of parmesan cheese is this?" (wretched stuff that! I'd rather shove wasps up my arse than grate that shite all over my dinner!)I delve deeper. Soggy bread. Snotty tissues. Half a cucumber to which I have no idea where that came from!

Are you kidding me? Of course not." here's an idea Shane, why don't you throw all of your shopping in the bin? A great idea! I'll do that! Didn't want it anyway... You bloody great walloping buffoon!"

I wonder if the vegetables are edible in the field behind me... Failing that the sand looks nice and crispy...

Add comment


There are no comments yet.